Are You Toxic?

toxic_masculinity

As many of you have seen over the past week the Gillette Ad about men and supposed toxic masculinity.  I cannot find a exact definition of what that is, but I found this:  Toxic masculinity is a narrow and repressive description of manhood, designating manhood as defined by violence, sex, status and aggression, whereas masculinity is qualities or attributes regarded as characteristic of men.  I felt the need to discuss this.  What about toxic feminism?  Is there such a thing?  I can’t find a definition of that anywhere, so does it exist?  I believe it does.

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Let start with masculinity.  To me a man who is masculine is real man.  When I think of a masculine man, I think of a man who acts like a man, talks like a man, and does things that a man does, things like fishing, hunting, fixing things, likes racing, wrestling, sports, and lots of competition, but is loving, caring, and sweet at the same time.  I am not saying that it is a mans voice, though most men have that rough sounding, deep (might I add sexy) sounding voice, but again that does not mean that a man who has a softer tone, is soft spoken, is not a man or masculine, there are men that sound that this who also love doing the above said things and love women.

What is toxic masculinity?  According to the definition it is a man who loves violence, sex (last I heard regular masculine men love that too), status (doesn’t that come with competition, everyone wants a high status?), and aggression (abusive, I think men and women both have that trait).  See to me they are not really discerning the difference in the normal man trait, which is all these things and being overly violent, over sexed (meaning they need to rape), over competitive (say to the point of cheating or scaring people into letting them win), and overly aggressive to the point that anything sets them off.

To me, Gillette put all the qualities of a man (toxic or just plain masculine) into one box and attacked men in general for the qualities that make them a man.  To me those qualities are what makes a man, a good man.  Now coming from several abusive relationships from childhood up through adulthood, I have seen it all.  I have seen the pushover man, the aggressive man, the competitive man, the violent man, the just plain asshole man, self-centered man, egotistical man, very abusive man.  However, this does not make me think that all men are overly like that.  There are great men out there that are, to me, normal.  They are manly, but not mean.  To me the word toxic means they are just that….. mean.  They are violent, assholes, that go around taking what they want and treating people like shit.

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They also act like all men do not show their feelings.  I have been with a man who cries and a man who keeps it to himself.  Though to me it is not good to keep your feelings inside, it is your right to do so, I as a woman try to keep mine to myself, but physically it isn’t good.  It has nothing to do with whether a man is a good man or a bad man.  My ex used to beat the shit out of me then cry about it and all the I’m sorry, it will never happen again BS, did that make him a good masculine man because he could cry?  Hell no, he was still a asshole, and I have been with a man who would not even cry at a funeral, my father is one of those.  My father was never abusive, never overly aggressive, never a rapist, in fact, he was a great man that to this day I love spending time with.  He was a man man, he fixed things, he worked on his own cars, he did man things, and he worked and paid the bills, but I did not even see him cry at my mothers funeral.  That is just how some men are PERIOD.

This scenario is no different than saying all women are weak, gold digging, bitches, sluts, and whores.  We aren’t and neither are men.  Women can also have those same qualities that they are giving to “bad” men.  We can be abusive, cheaters, over competitive, rapist, violent, and abusive and just flat out mean.  Mean to our husbands, boyfriends, children, and others.

Why did Gillette just aim that ad at men (and also white men seemed to be the focus also)?  This should have been aimed at mean people in general.  Men are not the only toxic species.  I have seen throughout the years both sides and its ugly no matter who is doing it.  Why say that things that boys do, “rough housing,” is a bad when it is something that we have done for centuries, girls also rough house.  Its fun, its competitive, its harmless.  I rough housed with my kids, all boys of course, but I would have had I had a girl.  Why are we losing what used to be innocent fun things and people are being turned into monsters if they participate in said things?

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It seems to me that people want men and women to be the same, talk the same, act the same, like the same things, etc.  Now as far as men go, I wouldn’t want a man who was not manly, who was more like me, if I did then I would just be lesbian.  Sorry girls, I like men.  I like one that can fix things, likes to do man things, likes to be a damn man.  If all men became like a submissive whiny emotional chick then sad to say there probably would be no procreation, that shit don’t turn me on at all.

Stop trying to change the differences between men and women and making us one (only difference being whats between the legs).  If you want to go after the overly abusive, asshole, rapist, cheater, pieces of shits, then go after both of them, the men and the women, but do not put all men in the same box as being that way, believe me they are not.  There are men out there that can be very masculine, but at the same time open doors, buy flowers, treat a woman right, and be the best damn role model for their children (male and female) without being toxic.

a-real-man

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